I take night walks with my two-year-old daughter and my younger sister most of the nights these days,with the street lights on and the cool breeze blowing through us. A calm settles in me and I feel light whenever we do this and for some moments I become one with the wind and the rustling trees. I become the white birds I see above us. I become the crescent moon shining from miles way. I become the white thick clouds up in the sky. I am then light and free. I stop asking why.
Why am I here now in this world and what is the purpose I am suppose to fulfilled? Why did my dad have to die when I was one and I didn’t get a chance to see him? Why do so many people not get to accomplish their dreams? Why am I so afraid of sharing my dreams, fears and hopes with the man I want to spend whatever is left of my life? Why aren’t I already employed, moved out and owning my car like I had planned my life to be years ago? Why do I keep making the same mistakes I did moths ago? Why am I not happy all the time like I want to be? Why is my life the way it is? Why why why…?
All these whys fade away those nights, on those walks and I am at peace and in love with all that is around me. The whys that make me sad and angry whenever I think and overthink about them. The whys that shouldn’t matter. The whys that we don’t have answers to and know we’ll never know. The whys that wreck our lives if we choose to live in them. The whys that we shouldn’t be asking in the first place and wouldn’t be if we let them be and lived?
The world’s most difficult questions are the whys we’ll never be able to answer and whys we shouldn’t be asking but are the whys we never stop asking. This world is full of wonder and beauty that overwhelm us if and when we let them in that should make us understand why we don’t need to know the answers to the whys. Nature so magnificent and breathtaking, people unimaginably kind and generous, acts so moving and incomprehensible and places so amazing and out of this world that should explain why we needn’t such for
answers we’ll not be able to find.
So I try to make every moment like those nights and put aside the whys. The whys we know we’ll always keep asking ourselves time and again. Why this and why that I leave aside and take my daughter’s hand as we head almost home. I smile as I think about my life,where I am,where I want to be and I know why the whys matter sometimes, why the whys should be asked. So I make a decision to live my life and smile for the whys will forever remain to be the whys.